1. |
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APRIL 2016
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2. |
?????????
01:16
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JANUARY 2016
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3. |
sigh, sigh
05:43
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MARCH 2015:
i'd rather do nothing than do one thing all wrong
oh, it hasn't been long enough – oh, it's been too long
my regret sets in the morning sky
i tell myself it's fine,
i've still got time
to make mistakes, to make mistakes, to make mistakes
until i break, until i break, until i break
feels like we're swimming, but our eyes are closed
we don't know where to go in these unfamiliar clothes
so we feel for each other in the dark
our bodies touch and send out sparks
but never our hearts
we keep those apart, keep those apart, keep those apart
oh don't let's start, oh don't let's start, oh don't let's start
sing (sigh! sigh!)
sing to me
sing (sigh! sigh)
sing me to sleep
oh, you take that watch off, but you still watch those hands
depends how tight i hold 'em, depends on where you think they'll land
i can see straight through your head;
i see this path; i know where we'll be led
but that's way ahead
that's what you said, that's what i said, it's what we said
that's way ahead, that's way ahead, that's way ahead
sing (sigh! sigh!)
sing to me
sing (sigh! sigh!)
sing me to sleep
oh, sing (sigh! sigh!)
sing to me
sigh (sigh! sigh!)
sing me to sleep
oh, i'm just half-grown, but i'm a kid no more
and now i'm moving on and i'm lying on the floor
then i ask how are you,
you say it's cool, just tired out from school
i worry, am i cruel?
oh, am i cruel? oh, am i cruel? oh, am i cruel?
tell me i'm cruel! tell me i'm cruel! tell me i'm cruel!
sing (sigh! sigh!)
sing to me
sing (sigh! sigh!)
sing me to sleep
take the path that haunts you less and hurts you least
and i watch as my regret keeps setting in the east
you can count the months while i'm still near
but i can't call you my dear
my darling, my dear
and it comes off clear, and it all comes clear, and it all comes clear
you can't stay here, i can't stay here, we can't stay here
we can't stay here
sing, sigh, sigh
sing to me
sing, sigh, sigh
sing to me
sigh, sigh
sing to me
sigh, sigh
sing to me
sigh, sigh, sigh
sigh, sigh, sigh
sigh
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4. |
29 process take final 1
04:15
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OCTOBER 2015:
i sit on my couch with a glass of cheap wine
i'm 29
i look my current self in the eyes
and i say you'll be fine
and i'm right
cuz i'm always right
when i'm 29
and i say
maybe people would feel like singing
if all of my songs weren't fucking depressing
and if i could really sing, maybe they'd want to hear me
i say
i know my life is going to shit
but it's nothing that twelve dozen months can't fix
i better find what i love and keep it near me
i'm ready for the part of my life with a big front door
god dammit, i don't wanna sleep alone anymore
i want a Doberman Pinscher and fake Post-Impressionist art
i want a steady job and a microwave
and i wanna be pretty and i wanna be brave
but instead i sit in my room and wait for it to start
and all my friends go out
and have a great time
orange juice and vodka on ice
and i say i'm fine
and it's only half a lie
i just wish it were a different time
my 12-year-old self just wants to be me
HA!
bitch doesn't know what's coming, does she?
i think it'd be nice to be almost 30
and there's something in me
lonely and angry
and hurting and it scares me, it's scared of me
and i know it'll leave me
but everyone believes me
when i say don't you worry for me
don't you worry for me
i'm ready for the part of my life with a big front door
god dammit, i don't wanna share a room anymore
.......[me forgetting the lyrics].......
i wanna live by the ocean where it's colder
but deep down i know when i'm 29
sitting on my couch with a glass of cheap wine
all i'll really want is to be a little older
then i'll be a singer
and you'll all come and watch me
i'll climb up on the amps and you won't stop me
and i won't feel small
it'll be like i never stopped growing at all
i never stopped growing at all
ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
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5. |
water bear song
02:59
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JANUARY 2015:
here's a song that i wrote for the water bears
they know how to survive anywhere
boiling or freezing or bone-dry, they don't care
we should all be as chill as the water bears
they're not the type to complain
they're even cool with kicking it in outer space
sometimes i can bend, but sometimes i break
i just wanna bounce back like a tardigrade
(that's their other name)
they can survive lots of radiation
they'll probably survive economic inflation
you'll have humans beat in all situations
when the Arctic and Everest are both a vacation
and you're not the type to complain
and you're even cool with kicking it in outer space
when you can only bend and you never break
you're probably gonna be fine if you're a tardigrade
yeah, you'll be OK
they survived all five mass extinctions
they deserve some kind of medal of distinction
sounds really cool, but then i get to thinking:
am i living too, or am i only shrinking?
i'm kinda the type who complains
i need company, but i want space
life throws thing after thing after thing in my face
here's what i think a water bear would say:
"hey,
keep it simple when you're feeling small
remember the mountains took time to get tall
sometimes you can swim, but you might have to crawl
those who say you don't matter don't matter at all."
here's a song that i wrote for the water bears
they can carry on pretty much anywhere
and carrying on's what you do when you care
so here's a shoutout for the water bears
oh, here's a song that i wrote for the water bears
you know how to survive anywhere
boiling or freezing or bone dry, you never care
someday i'll bounce back like a water bear
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6. |
elevator
00:20
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OCTOBER 2016:
my pillow rests so far
from where you lay your head
we push our beds together
to make a bigger bed
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7. |
patagonia
03:27
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OCTOBER 2015:
beekeeper, love, let's leave tomorrow
we'll pack our books and walk to Patagonia
we'll sleep in cracks of mountainsides
pull stars around us in shapes we don't recognize
i know it's hypothetical
but it seems a peaceful life
and i think it might be nice
in another life, you are a paleontologist
and i'm the bones you unearth
in another life i am a museum attendant, attentive,
and they dug you up from Colorado dirt
the color of the wall, the shape
of your 65-million-year-old bones
it still feels like coming home
i'm coming home
and i yield my own disbelief in love
and we sleep in a corner of the backseat
and i think this time i don't wanna give you a sad song
you deserve all of the light you give to me
so, beekeeper, love,
let's leave tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow
we can go anywhere we want someday
let's go to Patagonia
i know it's hypothetical
but there's so much i haven't seen
come see it with me
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8. |
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APRIL 2016
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9. |
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DECEMBER 2015:
i never liked christmas that much
but i like bringing home a tree
i've always loved the smell of pine,
the weight of the lights hanging over me
but i would be happy to never do it again
oh my god, it's like talking to the dead
instead of talking to you
as we wander through the parking lot
looking for the person we knew
no no no no no no
no no no no no no
no no no no no no
no no no no no no
these woods are lovely, dark, and deep
i never want to see another tree
these woods are lovely, dark, and deep
i never want to see another goddamn tree
no no no no no
no no no no no
no no no no no
no no no no no
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10. |
radio sketch 1
01:57
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JANUARY 2016:
there's a
place that we can go
where the words don't follow
no more songs
about our bodies
on the radio
there's a space
that we outgrow
drinking after shows
loud songs and darkness on the road
keep it close
until we know
we're not waking up alone
keep it close
until we know
then, waking up alone
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Nightjars Vancouver, British Columbia
Nightjars is the solo project of queer and trans singer-songwriter Adrian Matias Bell. His first album, Modjeska, is a collection of songs written in and about his childhood home of Orange County. Carrying echoes of 70s singer-songwriter craft, Modjeska explores a California coming-of-age with gravity and warmth. ... more
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